A Midwesterner visits Baltimore!

I recently had the pleasure of making a 4 day trip to Baltimore, MD. The city wowed me, to say the least.

The food in Baltimore is what one would expect of an East coast city on the edge of the Chesapeake. The oysters were absolutely amazing. For those of you who do not like either the taste or even the concept of eating a raw, still-living sea creature with the approximate texture of snot, let me describe to you the process of eating one.

An oyster can be “dressed up” with all sorts of condiments, much like a hamburger. Personally, I prefer a little bit of lemon juice and a couple drops of Jack’s Red Hot or Louisiana Hot Sauce on them, but my wife is partial to cocktail sauce and occasionally even prefers a few drops of mustard. The oyster should be opened within a few minutes of ingestion – and preferably, it should be opened in front of you so you can watch the shucker cut the muscle on the animal, thus providing an easy eating experience. Pick up your oyster and slide it into your mouth. I find that with super high quality oysters – the kind you get in Baltimore, for example – chewing them a few times really makes the flavor explode. Otherwise, there’s nothing really wrong with swallowing it whole. It’s the aftertaste you’re looking to savor, after all; a fresh, eye opening explosion that can only be described as “tasting a pristine ocean breeze.” I prefer the saltier oysters, but a sweeter oyster is more reminiscent of a crisp mountain air. That combined with the tingly burn of the hot sauce on your lips (quenched by an ice cold IPA) is by far one of the most satisfying culinary experiences I have ever had.

Of course, if I were to wax ecstatic about the food in Baltimore, you’d swiftly be typing tl;dr in the comments: from the Turkish fare at Cazbar to the sights and smells at the Lexington market and the unbeatable crab cakes at G & M, the food in the city is absolutely phenomenal. Except Phillip’s. Don’t eat at Phillip’s. It’s the Dollar General of crab and isn’t worth half what you pay. With so many excellent choices, not even a tourist should suffer an evening of Phillip’s.

That said, the food was not the most memorable experience of the city. That honor goes to the general personality of its residents. Coming from the Midwest, I am aware that Michiganders and our ilk are typically known for being friendly, down to earth, hard working people. That said, Charm City certainly earns its reputation. I cannot remember a time when so many absolute strangers were so genuinely considerate and friendly in one place. People let other people out in traffic. People always said thank you and always asked how you were doing. Homeless people helped you back into parking spots and never once asked for change. Contrast this with New York, where part of the “fun” of being a tourist is apparently finding out how long a hobo will chase and pester you panhandling despite ignoring him.

There also seems to be plenty to do in the city after sundown; between the veritable buffet of taverns in Fell’s Point (one of the most beautiful areas of the city) to the “open containers allowed” section of Power Plant Live (15 dollars all you can drink at 5 different bars!) to the various flavors and styles of Canton (from the phenomenal Mama’s on the Half Shell to the Claddagh Irish pub that pours a Guinness the correct way) to the laid back college atmosphere found in the Fed Hill district, even a career regular can find a plethora of dance clubs, eateries, and drinking venues to fill the hours.

My only complaint: if you’re going to make a beer with a label as adorable as National Bohemian (and a tasty beverage at that!), make the factory open for tours!

For the more family oriented and “touristy” types: Check out a Duck tour. It’s an inexpensive and hilarious way to see the city from the comfort of a World War II amphibious vehicle. It travels the streets of Baltimore, affording you looks at the Washington monument, the Basilica (oldest cathedral in America), and the beautiful Enoch Pratt Free Library. Then it takes to the water, showing you the city from the Chesapeake bay. Also you get a quacker which works wonders in annoying your spouse.

If you have some extra time, take some of it and explore the Basilica in detail. After the renovations completed in 2006, the catacombs-like basement is a phenomenal addition to the Church’s stunning architecture, and free tours make it an excellent budget destination as well.

From the friendliness of the people to the strength of its food, the City of Firsts is a spot that should be high on everyone’s list of places to Visit. Well done, Baltimore.